I used to dread going to church on Mother’s Day. A while ago, I was sitting with a friend who has not had children yet, and she said “you know, I hate going to church on Mother’s Day.” We had an instant connection.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I love my ladies at church–the moms, not-moms, pregnant moms, single moms, adoptive moms, foster moms, tired moms and wired moms! They all make our church body amazing, and I understand the importance of honoring mothers on their special day.
But this is the tricky part–when the pastor says, “All you Moms, stand up and be recognized!” and a wave of difficult thoughts come over you. You think, “If I stand, I’m not really a mom and I am lying. Yet if sit, everyone knows–knows I am not a mom. Are they wondering why don’t I have kids? Are they thinking, did I even try to get pregnant, or why haven’t I adopted yet?”
All these thoughts creep in and out, over and over. Those of you who have been or are in this situation know what I am talking about.
Many times I have heard references to Psalm 139:13-14:
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
It sounds so perfect, as if I could be put on display in an art gallery. I was knit together within a womb, yet I was made with a womb not destined to allow God to knit another masterpiece. It has been a long journey to accept the work of the Creator, a journey filled with tears, questions, anger, jealousy, happiness and acceptance.
For some of you, being a mom isn’t even something you want right now, and that’s okay too. Our society is slowly accepting that even though we were created with bodies to bear children, there are those who choose to not have children–and that is not selfish, its selfless. It’s a big decision that can either be made for you by the Creator himself or one that you make with the Creator who has written all your days in His book.
Despite my struggles and frustrations, being childless has taught me that I have so much more. As an aunt, wife and friend, I have the gift of extra time to share with others:
- Time for dance recitals, middle school plays and school concerts
- Time for flurry runs, evening swims and sleepovers
- Time to be a TT and a Yi-Ya, and to take trips to Florida for dances and graduations
- Time for using my talents to create and explore things I love
- Time to encourage my husband, Jim, as he journeys into youth leadership
- Time for loving on and sitting with a friend to listen for hours
- Time to grow and nurture special relationships
- Time to snuggle my fur babies
- And time to nap… I LOVE to nap
As May approaches, don’t focus on being childless this Mother’s Day! I’m sharing all this to remind you to be easy on yourself as you journey into motherhood or struggle with getting to motherhood. Instead, reflect on being fearfully and wonderfully made. In God’s timing you will come to find that “less” can be “more.”
Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.Psalm 139:16
Let the words God has written in His book be your more.